League of Superheros

Everywhere around me, I see heros. People of great valor, roaming the streets, shedding light and imparting wisdom to all the lives they come in contact with.

And then it strikes me – no publishing house has released stories of superheros dedicated to these living legends. It is a shame, and I plead each and everyone of us to raise a toast to the extraordinary “League Of SupERheroS” (LOSERS)

a) Delegator-man
Whenever there is trouble, call "Delegator-man". He'll send someone around and send an MIS report of the same to the "League of Superheros". Doesn't do much except strut like a peacock when senior management is around and pulls out presentations from his trendy new laptop when the League is having their annual report on peace-keeping missions. Otherwise listens to "Grateful Dead".

b) Takin-Man: A Bhutanese export
Too busy fighting crime to attend school. Consequently, he's always in 5th standard. Whenever there is trouble, call the Takin-Man, and he will arrive riding a Takin. He will arrive a little slowly though. Like Delegator-Man, he also attends meetings of the "League of Superheros". His specialty includes serving paneer bhujiyas at all "League of Superheros" meetings. You don't want to know how the paneer was made.

c) Brash Bobby Boy
Hails from a city up North. Call him and he will come tearing down in his Yamaha, with the bike's muffler removed. Especially useful if the criminal is from down South and answers to the name "Tambi". The mere sight of Brash Bobby Boy will cause them to tremble in their gum-boots, and their spectacles to fall off. Last time he attended a "League of Superheros" meetings and was asked to prepare "Minutes of the Meeting", he wrote "Meeting lasted 37 minutes". Last seen as a parking attendant for all "League of Superheros" meetings.

d) Amino Aunty
She puts the “A” in Type A and chews “Orbit” to mask the smell of the latest victim on her breath. In her off-time, she will quote Sylvia Plath to get in touch with her victim’s feminine side. Mere sight of her will cause the criminals to jump into the cooking pot and lather themselves with sunflower oil, cardamom and saffron. But she does have a large heart, often for breakfast.

e) Dirty Dominic
Dominic fools everyone with his diminutive size. It isn’t the size of the man in the fight, it’s the size of his vocabulary. Rich expletives flow from his mouth and a hot bike chase often ensues, with the villains wanting to kick his rear-end.

f) Pillion Pamela
Accompanying Dominic in his hot bike pursuits is Pillion Pamela, who was last seen with Biceps Bunty. She was pursued relentlessly by Dominic while Bunty used his forehead to crack some eggs open. Dominic won her over with his immortal SMS: “I fight crime, And in my spare time, I rhyme, will you be mine?”
Last meeting with the League of Superheros, when the chairman made an effort to move the House, all the Superheros made an effort to make moves on Pamela. Naturally, she yielded the floor. Or was that, on the floor?

g) HR Harry
The effervescent boss; loves all of Man, but enjoys all of Woman even more. One look at his team composition and you'll understand why he is so effervescent.

h) Banal Anal(yst)
Loves to talk “M&A dealflows” in the same breath as Fuel Cell technologies and Naushad compositions. Known to corner all the villains in a Lounge Bar. Backed to the wall, with quivering lips, they ask him what he is going to do. At that point, he flips open his laptop, asks them about their retirement plans, asset allocations and presents his forecast on the Return of the "Commodity". I think we may see the IPO of the “League of Superheros”.

i) Blog Boy
Fights crime through innuendo and sloganeering on websites. Utility unknown. Last meeting, the "League of Superheros" contemplated not renewing his contract.